B-Locked

A month back I decided to stop conversing with certain set of people so I blocked them from my facebook page and deleted their phones numbers as well. The reason was that I was not mature enough to be called as their friend but then I met them in some events and I thought I was wrong in blocking them so I re-blocked them and started sending out request so as to mend the relation but then I realized  I was never wrong blocking them. I am much better without them, I am very sick of their cool attitude and etc etc.

Since one month I am hanging out many young and energetic boys and girls and they respect each other not like the so called matured adult whose aim in life is to be proof they are the best. I am better with them but then I have very closed friend whom I don't mind sharing my thoughts.

Blocking Again

I cried today

My upbringing was done by many aunts and sisters because my parents were a working parents and their job required immense amount of travelling and many training. Ever since my childhood I played the ‘Chak-Thongbis’ and many other games which the male ego called it girly games, and because of the sisters and aunts who were unmarried at the time teaches me everything about singju-bora tasting and lots of cinemas, maybe it was one of the tiny bit of reason why I am in cinema. None of the aunts or sisters never stayed long, as time changes and their face structure they got married and move on with their lives it is very sad from my part that I have forgot most of them and I don’t have any clue where they are and even more sadder that I never tried to find them. When my parents ran out of sisters and aunts they introduced me to my elder brother, Da Ibungo. I still remember the first time he came to my place with uncle who came to drop him off. I look at him and he gave me an orange, I like oranges and maybe it was one of the sweetest if I re-called. He got admission in the same school I was studying, I know he was keeping a watch on me but never ever let me felt. He make me do whatever I want, he was with us for quite a long time until the day he went back to our native place. After that I make sure I visit his place now and then, and he will always make sure I was comfort because I was a city boy and he knows how I grew up among the city lights (there were no load shedding while growing up) and to be frank I hate going to the Lawais but Da Ibungo was the only reason why I went. I do regret my acts for judging people and land.

Today in my dream I saw Da Ibungo, he was calm as usual and I saw many people as well, my parents and one guy – he was the younger brother I always dreamt to have and in my dream I was the centre of discussion, all of them were confused why I was acting like that and Da Ibungo stayed quite while the guy almost beat me up. Each and every one of them was talking how protective my dad was for me. There were heated argument, I was screaming and was in mess and I started crying looking at Da Ibungo which is when I realised I was awake and crying and trying to control not to make any sound. I sat up and thought why I was crying and Da Ibungo face, which I have forgotten was in my mind vaguely and I realised maybe I cried today because I dint cried when he died. He killed himself and during the last rites, everyone was calling out his name saying, ‘Nanao is here, wake up’. They came towards me to hold and many cry their eyes out but I dint even have a single drop of tears, Ema told me that she was amazed that I dint shed a single tears that day, I don’t know why even though Da Ibungo was my first best friend.

Da, I miss you so much. I am also sorry that I don’t remember your face now but I cried for you today.

Ex

So again I thought I should write even if I have multiple grammar mistakes or not. Did I tell you why I stopped writing? No. Ok it was my ex-girlfriend constant nagging about my grammatical mistakes makes me stop writing and not only writing I stop clicking photo because my ex-girlfriend did some course on photography and also I did stop talking to some of my female friends online and offline. There are so many things that I have stopped due to my ex-girlfriend constant nagging but now I am starting again


*fictional character but then if you suspect someone then it is your fault :)

Ode to Mother Day

Family means everything to many people, and it is the same for me. But when it comes to my own family, I have never been good at expressing my emotions. I honestly do not know why. Strangely, when it comes to relationships, especially the girlfriend part, I become extremely expressive—so expressive that people have even called me immature, and some eventually walked away because of it.

Sometimes my parents wonder if I do not love them or if they have done something wrong. But that is far from the truth. Out of everyone in my life, they are the ones who have loved me the most, stood by me the most, and yes, criticized me the most too. Yet I have never really spoken to them with emotional intensity the way I do with others.

Maybe I take them for granted. Maybe that is part of it. But I know one thing for certain—I love them deeply.

I still remember when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It happened during my Class 10 examinations. While many relatives around us broke down and drowned in fear and sympathy, I stayed strangely calm on the outside. Inside, I was terrified. I simply refused to believe that my mother—the strongest person I knew—could be defeated by a disease that everyone feared so much.

My parents packed their bags for Bombay for her treatment. That day, relatives filled the house with sorrow and sympathy, and for some reason I hated seeing that. Their flight was at 3 PM, and they left home around 2 PM. I did not go to the airport because getting back home would have been difficult. We lived far away and did not own a vehicle at that time.

So I stayed home, pretending to study.

Then suddenly, when I heard the airplane passing above our house, everything inside me collapsed. I cried uncontrollably because, for the first time, I truly felt the fear of losing my mother. I cried for days after that.

My uncle came every night to check on me. He even took me to an STD booth so I could speak to my parents in Bombay, but strangely, I never wanted to talk to either of them. Maybe hearing their voices would have made the fear too real.

My father never even told me the exact day of my mother’s surgery. Later, he called from a neighbor’s telephone just to say, “Your mom is fine.” I cried again—this time out of relief and gratitude because I knew I would see her again.

After about a month, they finally returned home.

My mother was wearing a scarf. I still remember wanting to hug her so badly, but I could not bring myself to do it. What hurt me the most was knowing how much she loved her hair, and seeing the effects of chemotherapy and radiation on her was heartbreaking. Fortunately, she did not lose all of it.

Since then, my mother has continued fighting cancer with unbelievable strength. Honestly, she is the strongest person in our family—even stronger than my father.

And that is why I do not think we need a single day called Mother’s Day to celebrate mothers. A mother has been fighting for us since the day we were conceived, and in truth, every single day belongs to her.

I love you, Mom.

And I am grateful to be your son.

Yes, Love me

Today after the movie we went a friend keeps on talking on how he has ignored his gf and he is actually regreting it, he said he now want to settle down. He almost broke while telling me his story. During the entire time I kept quite and almost weeps myself becuase I have always longed for love. Being a lone child and growing up without parents because they were busy with their works I have always wanted Love to be around me and if I don't get it I tend to lose my mind and maybe because of it every girls left me some tag me a spoilt child, childish and a women but still I believe in Love and will alwaya do.

I want to request to the people not take love for granted as not everyone is lucky enough to get Love.

ode, again

Today I feel like quitting my life and let myself free from everything. Ever since my film career today I felt so bad. I am lost all alone with three bags and one tripod without any vehicle moving around the city and the hardest thing is that I don't even have money to get an taxi or use public transport. It was really hard for me and also I am slightly having fever when there are alert for swine flu and then again I thought let it be.

I have nothing in me to say or ask people for help as the people whom I can ask for help is far away and somehow I make them run away from me. Yesterday after many consideration I decided to end Heima! Films, the production house which was very dear to me and today after the project I am doing I won't be doing any independent work and will only work on hire basis if there are people to hire me.

Ode

Ode to heima! Films

It is really hard to closed down a company that I have co-created with immense expectation and love. I could have run it independently but I have a huge respect for those friend with whom I started the company. Yes the whole breakdown is my mistake because I was forceful for certain do's and don't.

It's hurt but a heartfelt goodbye to heima! Films. There won't be any film under the banner anymore

Sorry

I know I can be such a pain in ass when I am immersely sad. I know what I am doing and how I am acting and no matter how much I tried I can't stop the way I am acting.

I don't believe in god but today right now I pray to the one heavenly above please give me strength to change myself so that I won't be a pain in the ass anymore. I have lost many people in my life and I don't want to lose it anymore.
My sincere apologies to those all whom have suffered and faced humiliation due to my groucy and childish nature and I will try my best to avoid as much as I can do.

Thabal/Yaoshang

Yaosang thabal starts today and many are getting ready for it. Call are made to their lovers by the girl for the grand events and almost everyone is excited and happy about but for me it never interest me, i really don't like festival. Maybe I am socially awkward but anyway enjoy the thabal. :)

Zero

Yes I want a good relation with everyone and I also tried my best to do so but somehow it has never works. I think too deeply and tries to get many answer out of it without even knowing what is the real thing behind it, maybe thats why I always failed and it keeps going on and on.

Ever since my childhood I was alone and whenever I get time to talk I talk like shit and sometime the shit which has resulted in many unwanted incident and I keep on learning. To be really frank my aim in life is to fill my emptiness inside me, I dont care how much I earn or how much I achieved. I just want to fill the zero.

If Possible

The worst thing about grown up is that one's cannot express his/her feeling without looking like a complete ass. The people are so busy with their appearance or what will people think rather then expressing their own self. I expressed my own self yes I do lie sometime but I don't fake if something is not right just for the sake of others. Today I would like to express my melanchony and yes without looking like what the society has set for the grown up, if possible

I m what i want with no rules

Set of rules are always the main culprit for all the violence that are happening around the world. Rules like women should be like this or that is the main reason why there are gender biased when it come to equal oppurtinuty. But then when the rules are set for men the main (most) sufferer are the msm, tg or gay (male), they became the teasing point of each and everyone women included.

So rules should be set and everyone should move on from it and then everyone gender will have equal oppurtunity

It's ok to be me, i may be emotional and it's ok

Rights

If I could
I will say
But I have no rights

Hairaroi

Hainingba kaya ama lei
Wahei singse phungatle
Yari makhei haidanaba hotnei
Hotnari
Haira roi khankhre
Haira roi na haikhre

At Nungbi

Just back from Nungbi after spending three days in the village with the people. While during the trip one thing that I notice was that all the people were happy, they don't complaint if there are no electricity or they have to walk kms to fetch water and many other utilities where a city people would complaint all the time and whines. The neighbours care for each others because they believe in co-existence not like those who believe in making more money and by flashing it to everyone.

I have almost covered the east, south and northern part of Manipur and it has been amazing and hope to explore the western sooner or later

Broken

Maybe It's because my heart has,been broken so many times that when I see someone heart shattered in a movies I do feel the pain along. Strange but true

Today's day

Making myself available for almost that happen in and around the valley is getting better and better. Today I went for ballet and i must say it was great not that great but still it was a great comes back for me in the circuit of live performances. I seriously miss the colorful live performances amongst the live performances of people who were trying to prove 'me-me-me & me'.

A day well spent and i hope tomorrow is just like today

Please stop acting

Here I am at the 3rd north east theater festival which infact is my one of the most awaited theater festival in imphal. The theater infrastructure is same it was when it was open with 1st theater festival three years back yet they have manage to organised in a grand gala way. There are no entry fees to enjoy the play yet the seats are empty forget about the people who have no clue about theater but those who claimed to be theater enthusiast is no where to find. I guesd this is high time to stop acting an enthusiast but be true to yourself

Defender

Almost everyone think many human rights defender are earning because if the conflicts and not to forget eche irom chanu sharmila. Many even said that without eche many will go jobless etc etc but here is what I have to say, if there are no human rights violation and people lost jobs then it will be dream come true. If things go the way it should then the 'defender' will go automatically and until then.....

Talk

I saw them talking, talking from their heart and their talk sounds so interesting and i envy them because i cant talk.

I want to learn to talk

a House

How important is a house? I have never knew that, ever since I was born I was in a rented house, a place where you cant do anything except breath. I want a house where I can say it's mine, a house fill with laughter without any thought of what will the landlord says next morning, a place where I can come back to have a sense if belonging, the sense which I don't have anywhere from last 30 years. People finds me funny but I am not, I am hurt in every possible way. The hole is my heart is so big that I can build a mansion on it but a house without a heart is a house, a house with door and window but without love and love.

As simple as that

If my heart and brain don't want a thing then words like coward etc etc won't change. I respect everyone decision and I might tell them to reconsider but don't really force them or call names as such. How weird or idiot can be my decision but that's my decision good or bad and people should respect it.
As simple as that.

She is still in my heart

World is too small and thanks to fb that a person which i m trying to avoid shows up there. She died while in labor and she was one person whom I was close to. The day she died and till now I have tried to ignore her pictures.

She is still in my heart and will always be. Miss you echemma

Our road

Whenever we talk about our city 'insurgent' or 'afspa' comes up. Most of us think that they are the only reason for the city to leg behind from other cities and many debates inside and outside has been going on among the intellectual co-census and interestingly it ends with load of fan fare of concluding a debates with no results. With all the debates there are one important things which we are ignoring i.e. environment, no one is talking about it but the impact is huge. Water scarcity, bad roads are the impact of environment which are ignored. The number of motor vehicle is increasing day by day and the impact on the environment and road is also increasing day by day. Let say if afspa or insurgent is over and there are huge developement but what if it is with no oxygen to breath?

It's time we start opting the non-motorised transport cycle for instance and if you think you can't reach in time then 'wake up early'. Believe me.

well, the film

Many has pointed out their point of views about Manipuri Cinema and most of the talk in such a way watching a manipuri film or meiteilon that I would prefer say is an insult to their intelligence but the truth is that about 80% of the population loves watching meiteilon film and the 20% are the people who grew up watching Intelligence film. 

Keeping them aside the trends of the meiteilon film audience will over shadow the intelligence group of cine goers. Nowadays kids prefer to watch Meiteilon film or listen to sorri senjam and the Korean wave which was bugged with many youngster is fading. What are the reason? The reason is Bony and his role, every kids love his acting and can speak what he said on any particular film. Is it good? I think it is and I also agree that there are things lacking if we compare with highly budgeted film. 

Lets watch film and support. Thats all